While getting over someone, right from the moment of a breakup, proves pretty tough, an occasional surprise surpasses that: getting over someone you never dated. Be it an unreciprocated crush or a flirtation model that dwindles just out of bloom time, or bad timing—these all can be overwhelming emotionally. The pain from the potentiality not held back and lingering “what-ifs” is especially heart-shattering.
Unrequited love, in which a person washes deep feelings for another who does not return the sentiment, usually provides most people with a reason to hold on to the fantasy of finding someone really perfect. According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist specialized in relationships, such kinds of feelings are usually very difficult to get over because they do tend to be based on idealized visions of what could have been.
Also Read : Enhancing Emotional Availability In Your Relationships
In this article, exactly why it can be so hard to get over someone you were never truly dating and how to move on according to experts.
Understanding the Difficulty
When you are in love with a person with whom you have never been involved, it is easy to daydream about a perfect relationship—castles in the sky. The truth is that most of these castles crumble into nothing because things may not go according to your expectations. It can be very painful to understand this. Stopping contact and taking care of one’s self is very important during this process of healing. Have supportive friends and family around you and move on from what could have been to what can be.
Unrequited Love Unpacked
Unrequited love can be observed in the following ways :
Wishful Thinking: One keeps fantasizing about the future and hence desires a turn of events to be with that person.
Overanalysis : Sifting through every conversation or act for hidden meanings or signs of interest.
Infatuation – The possessive attitude towards people, pre-occupation with impressing the significant other and visions of life being spent in their company alone are indicative of infatuation.
One-way: More caring about the person than they do for you and going out of the way to impress them.
Comparisons: Comparing one’s self to them in their life, seeking understanding into what they want.
Understanding and Dealing with Unrequited Love
It might come as news that in many instances, it’s actually hard to get over a person whom you have never dated. Breaking up with a significant other has its problems, but unrequited love definitely has its own set of emotional challenges. That can be anything from an unfulfilled crush to an uncontrollable attraction—nothing is doing right, and you get caught in a maelstrom of feelings and unanswered questions.
The complexity of unrequited love
Unrequited love most of the time refers to a situation whereby one has feelings, be it of affection or attraction, towards the other party who either is unaware of such feelings, does not share the same feelings, or is unable to act on them. This usually gives rise to longing and idealization, whereby the object of affection is idealized as a symbol representing unfulfilled desires and unrealized possibilities.
According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships, this is because we idealize an image of that person in love that remains unrecognized. Unlike relationships that end with a breakup—where obviously there are imperfections involved and that is helpful in healing—unrequited love does not offer that. This could make the attachment last longer, thus fanning fantasies about what might have been and making the emotional letting-go very hard to do.
Why It’s Hard to Let Go
Idealization and a Lack of Reality Checks
When we haven’t dated someone, it’s easy to idealize them. We imagine them as perfect matches without having experienced the challenges and incompatibilities that real relationships often reveal. This idealization makes letting go difficult because you are holding on to a fantasy rather than a real human being who has flaws and complexities.
Lack of Closure
Closure is a big part of healing emotionally. While the breakup conversation gives closure, one does not get that with unrequited love. What it does is keep us in limbo, and so we hold onto hope and are falling into all kinds of “what-ifs,” which many times hinder the process of moving on.
Fear of Missing Out and Hope
When a person invests his or her emotional energy into someone who does not feel the same way, there may be created the fear of missing out in case of a regretful decision not to date. Hope, as one of the strong emotions nourished by the belief that maybe circumstances will change one day and feelings will be mutual, is preserved in such attachment.
Loneliness and the Thrill of the Chase
The fear of loneliness and the chase of the unattainable also make it hard to let go. The place they have held in our social circle or in providing emotional support may be so huge that it is like losing more than an actual romantic prospect.
How to Heal Emotional Injuries
While going through unrequited love, emotional healing and self-care are of prime importance. The same may be guided by such inbuilt strategies as mentioned below-
Self-Introspection and Acceptance
Take some time to reflect on reasons for your attachment and the root of your inability to move on. Dr. Romanoff suggests that one review whether this pattern of attraction to unavailable partners resulted from earlier experiences or unresolved issues with earlier love interests. Accept the reality of the situation. More than likely, he/she will realize his or her attachment is more about what that person represents rather than who they really are.
Allowing Yourself to Feel
It’s only human to feel a sense of disappointment, regret, anger within you at this stage of life. Allow those emotions to flow without passing any judgment on them. It may seem ironic, but acknowledging and going through the process of these emotions is very important in healing.
Self-care and Discovery
Get involved in things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s taking up a hobby or staying connected with dear ones or possibly new areas of interest, working on self-care could be worth a lot emotionally. Also, it may give a healthy distraction.
Setting Boundaries
If emotionally, you need to maintain your distance from them, set boundaries. Maybe this means limiting the amount of contact, avoiding places where you will encounter them, or not gazing over their social media.
How to Seek Help
Lean on friends and family for emotional support. Sharing your feelings with close ones may comfort and bring perspective to you. If necessary, seek professional help from a therapist who will be able to help you in the processing of your emotions and tread along with you in your healing way.
Conclusion
Moving on from a person whom you have never dated is such a long and emotionally demanding process. No closure, coupled with the idealized image of that person, makes it very hard to move on. Turning oneself toward self-reflection, admitting real situations, taking proper care of oneself, building the boundaries one needs, and seeking help will resolve things little by little. Remember that most unrequited love hurts, but it is what could be, not what could have been. By taking care of yourself and investing in your well-being, you’ll come out the other side of this experience more resilient.